How to win the heart of your wife

They say that the difference between a single man and a married man is that the single man is willing to kill to win the love of his life while the married man is more apt to die for her.
This week I want to speak specifically to the men; to the husbands and husband-wannabes. You women are welcome to follow along, but it doesn’t necessarily pertain to you. What I have to say speaks to the heart of the warrior.
I want to talk to the man who was once willing to climb the highest mountain, swim the widest sea and brave the fiercest opponent to win the heart of the woman he loves. I want to talk to the man who is king of his domain – the breadwinner, the one who daily slays the office dragons, traverses the sea of traffic and is master of the three bed/two bath ranch with attached garage and propane grill in the back.
Are you happy with your life? Are you happy with your wife? Is she everything you wanted her to be when you pursued her in your single days? Is she the radiant beauty whose heart you longed to win? Is she the perfect wife and mother? Does she cook your favorite meals, wash your clothes, clean your castle and raise your kids? Is your marriage everything you hoped and dreamed it would be?
Whether it is or not, let me ask you this: is your wife happy? Is she as excited as a puppy to see you come home at the end of a long day? Is she eager to please you in bed as often as you like? Does she rave about you to her friends? Does she shower you with compliments and doll herself up to look nice for you?
If you’re like me and most other guys, this is not your reality. I’m guessing the only thing she likes about seeing you come home after work is the relief she feels from having an extra hand to help around the house. If you asked her if she is happy, most likely she’ll say those two words that strike fear in the heart of every husband: “I’m fine.”
If you wanted steak tonight, I’m betting Hamburger Helper or leftover spaghetti more closely resembles what you will find on your plate (or leftover turkey since this is Thanksgiving week).
That ravishing beauty that you met at the alter is probably a few pounds and a couple dress sizes larger. Her hair is probably in a low-maintenance cut and her clothes designed more fore comfort than fashion. I’d wager that the last thing she said about you to her best friend was more complaint than compliment.
Let’s face it, marriage is tough. Both people live with unfulfilled expectations. There are times, I’m sure, where one or both of you have thought about throwing in the towel. You probably get more pleasure from your computer than your companion. I’m not saying your marriage is bad. You might have a great marriage. But based on divorce rates, at least half or more of us don’t.
You can have a great marriage and rekindle the romance that you began your “happily ever after” with. If you want your wife to shine like the trophy you won, you need to apply a little elbow grease and polish not her, but to yourself.
Are you the man she thought she married? Do you still care for her, court her, do little things to make her happy? When was the last time you tried to win her heart? When did you last send flowers for no special reason? When did you last leave her a love note or even text a sweet nothing to her? When was the last time you insisted on doing the dishes or folding the laundry or bathing the kids?
It basically boils down to putting her needs before your own. Treat her the way you want her to treat you. If you pour your time and energy into her and making her feel wanted and loved, she will shine for you.
Remember, you are partners for life. You are in this together. She is not your enemy, nor are you hers. Get yourself up off the couch or pull yourself away from the computer and take your place by her side. Be her warrior, her defender, her companion. Be a man and do your share of the work around the house … and then some.
If you pride yourself as the leader of your family, then lead by example. Don’t lord over your wife and kids and be disappointed when they fail you. Help them succeed. Lift them up every chance you get. Help them where you can. Praise their achievements and affirm them in their efforts.
If you want something out of your marriage, you must first invest in it. You can’t expect to get something for nothing. If you think you’re tired at the end of the day, imagine how your wife feels.
If you want her to be a sex goddess in bed tonight, try doing the dishes and vacuuming the carpet. And for heaven’s sake, stop looking at other sex goddesses on your computer. If you put the attention and emotional energy into your wife that you do the image on your screen, you’d see her in a new light and she would love your adoration and respond accordingly.
Men, as husbands we need to stop wounding our wives and start loving them. We need to lower our expectations of our wives and raise the expectations for ourselves. Only then can she become the object of desire that you would conquer the world to win. And that, my friend, is a gem worth dying for.

Will you speak boldly for Jesus?

Ten years ago I got a copy of a book to review called “The Embarrassed Believer” by Hugh Hewitt.
I get review copies of books all the time; or at least I used to. In 1998, when the book came out, it was one of many that came across my desk but was one of the few that didn’t go to the discard pile. Something about it intrigued me. It addressed an issue I struggled with at the time, and still grapple with today – being bold for Jesus.
Hewitt wrote the book after he completed a documentary for PBS called “Searching for God in America.” He discovered that there are an awful lot of Christians out there who hide their faith in public. There are a lot of us who are intimidated to talk about Jesus though as if he were the most important thing in our lives. There are many who would silently walk the walk but not talk the talk.
I’ve been reminded of this book recently during a Wednesday night men’s group at my church. There are about two dozen of us who meet regularly. We get into some pretty heady discussions. But the topic that seems to be the most humbling is the one about sharing your faith in the workplace, or in public.
I am not a very vocal person. I have an incredibly difficult time broaching the subject with people, even people I’m comfortable with. But I did take to wearing Christian T-shirts, putting bumper stickers on my car and writing about it in my column.
As I sat in class, I was stunned to hear other men talk about how difficult it is to be a Christian in their workplace. Some could become unemployed in a hurry if they were caught proselytizing. Even talking to a fellow believer could get them called on the carpet if someone became offended and complained.
It’s frightening when you look at what’s going on in America these days. People are afraid to stand up for their faith. We’ve already lost prayers in school and at many public events. There is a push to remove “In God we trust” from our currency; to remove “one nation under God” from the Pledge of Allegiance; and remove 10 Commandments monuments and other religious symbols from public places.
I’m not one to argue against the need for separation of church and state. But people need to remember the flip side of the issue as stated in the First Amendment. While the First Amendment to the Constitution says “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion,” it goes on to say “or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.”
The pendulum has swung too far on the side of political correctness. It is so far out of line that people can’t seem to see or understand the part about our government not “prohibiting the free exercise thereof.” We have the freedom and the right to live boldly for Christ in America. If not here, where in the world can we?
I know there is a perception in this country that Christians are narrow-minded hypocrites. Maybe we’ve been publicly abused by pundits for so long that we’re gun-shy of the intellectual establishment. They call us homophobic because we believe homosexuality is a sin. If we stand up for marriage, we are lambasted for denying the “rights” of a minority group. If we speak out against abortion, we are seen as being opposed to the rights of women, especially the poor and those who have been victimized.
They tell us that if we are truly Christian that we should live Jesus’ example – to love others unconditionally, to help the poor and marginalized. They want peace and love without condemnation. If that is the view people have of Jesus, they need to see the flip side. They need to hear the truth. And we Christians now more than ever need to be bold about it.
In Luke 12:49-53 Jesus says, “"I have come to bring fire on the earth, and how I wish it were already kindled! But I have a baptism to undergo, and how distressed I am until it is completed! Do you think I came to bring peace on earth? No, I tell you, but division.”
We have forgiveness of sins through Jesus. But we do not receive that without repentance. To truly repent is to have a change of mind or heart; to confess your wrongdoings and to sincerely regret them.
Twice in the first five verses of Luke 13, Jesus says, “unless you repent, you too will all perish.”
Jesus may have “hung out” with prostitutes, but he did not partake or condone prostitution. He turned people away from that. Yes, Jesus visited the tax collectors, but he did not condone their bribes and thievery. He sought their repentance and offered his forgiveness.
Repentance and turning away from sinful behavior is the flip side of the coin to the “peace and love” side of Jesus that most people want to see. You can’t follow Jesus Christ and continue to live in sin. You can’t expect to go to heaven if you walk on the wide road to hell.
In Matthew 7:21-23 Jesus tells us, “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’”
Likewise, you can’t expect Jesus to acknowledge you before God if you don’t first acknowledge him to people (see Luke 12:8-9). You won’t find a more hospitable place to do that than right here in the good, ol’ U.S. of A. – that is, unless you’re too embarrassed or ashamed of the one who gave everything for you.

I got tricked into a habit of reading

His name was Willie. He was a ghost who did the most fascinating magic tricks.
I know that because he was in a book I read. It was the first book I ever read. I don’t remember the title of the book. It came in one of those Scholastic book orders that we got in school. I was in either kindergarten or first grade.
I remember falling in love with that book. I was so determined to find out what that ghost was up to that I pushed myself hard to learn to read the words. It was a life-changing moment the first time I read that little book all by myself. It was at that moment I knew I could read. I had read my first book and the world opened up for me in a new way.
Not only had Willie helped me learn to read, he also taught me some neat tricks. I learned to write messages with lemon juice and then make them appear with heat. There were other simple tricks, but that’s the only one I can remember nearly four decades later.
I guess it only makes sense that I would grow up to be a writer since I have had a life-long love of reading. In reality, it’s quite ironic. I was never any good with grammar. I never got higher than a “C” in any grammar classes.
The English language and I have never played well together. Even now I am more its adversary than ally. Every day I sit down at my computer and do a dance across the blank page much like two knife-wielding gang members would do handcuffed together in a dual. On most days I’m lucky enough to spill more ink than it does blood.
Still, my love for writing and journalism in general stems from my passion for reading. Throughout my primary and secondary school years, my reading levels have always been way ahead of the curve. For a kid who hated school and did poorly in every other subject, that made me something of an academic oddity.
I read my first full-length novel in the fifth grade. And yes, it was a Lone Ranger book. When I got into junior high, I was really into reading books based on movies I had seen (or vice versa). I was a regular at this little book store we had in my hometown. One day while looking through the used books, I found a copy of “Raise the Titanic” by Clive Cussler. I sank my teeth into it. I went back and got all of the previous Dirk Pitt adventures I could find. Cussler was instantly my favorite author. I have read almost every book he has written.
As much as I love to read and as advanced a reader as I am, one problem I have is my speed. I am a very slow reader. I can’t read any faster than one does reading aloud. It’s painful at times to be so slow, but on the other hand I absorb much more of what I’m reading because it has the time to sink in.
Sandy, my wife, is a very voracious reader. She can read really fast. It’s not unusual for her to knock out a book in an evening or two. The same book might take me weeks to tread through. And our passion for reading has been passed to our children. All four of them like to read, though some are better than others at it. I really enjoy the bonding time on those rare moments when I have the time to sit and read to my children. I remember my mother doing that for me. It was great. Every young child who is read to does better in school. At least that’s what numerous studies tell us.
For most of the last two years my reading time has been severely curtailed due to an hour-long commute to work. I have taken advantage of that time to listen to audio recordings of books. I now count that as reading. That’s two hours a day I get to enrich my life during a time that would normally be bogged down in tedious boredom.
One of the great discoveries I have made during this time is the Harry Potter series. When the books about the boy wizard first came out, Sandy and I were staunchly opposed to them. After all, the Bible cautions us to stay away from witchcraft and magical things. We railed against Potter without knowing what it was all about.
Finally, Sandy’s sister started reading them and convinced Sandy to do likewise. She got hooked. Last year I finally listened to the series during my commute. I, too, became a fan. Author J.K. Rowling is an incredible storyteller and one of the greatest authors of our age. What captured me was not all the trappings of wizardry and magic, but the incredible way in which Rowling crafts her tales. Pardon the pun, but her style is spellbinding.
Two other writers I admire for much the same reason are Orson Scott Card (“Ender’s Game”) and the late, great Western writer Louis L’Amour. I have also read and loved several of Alan Dean Foster’s books, especially his “Star Trek” and “Star Wars” books.
But the one book I have read and loved the most is the Bible. I have a habit of beginning my days reading a bit over a cup of hot tea and then going into a time of prayer. I have read the Bible all the way through about four times now and I have no plans to quit.
Looking back, it’s hard to believe that this world of words has made such a huge impact on my life, all because I was curious to know what a little ghost named Willie was up to in a children’s magic book.
Thank you Willie. I hope our paths will cross again some day. And I hope you encourage more kids to read, no matter how far out of print you probably are by now.

A timely lesson about integrity

Today’s lesson, kids, is about something we call “integrity.”
According to the dictionary, integrity is, “adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.”
There are other meanings for the word, but they all essentially boil down to the honest, whole, incorruptible character of a person or thing. In this case, we are talking about people.
Before I begin any finger-pointing, let me first admit my shortcomings up front. I pride myself on my integrity, but in truth I am seriously lacking. I harp on family values, but I am quick-tempered and too often neglectful of my own family. That is a problem I am working on. With my lengthy commute, I have developed very poor driving habits. Again, that is something I’m working hard to improve.
My point is, I am not without faults, but I strive to make myself a better person despite them.
I have only been in South Texas about 10 months. Just before my arrival, two Hempstead aldermen were arrested on bribery charges. Two other officials in Brookshire had just been sentenced in the same case. That case would go on to include the arrest of a justice of the peace and has the potential for snaring more elected officials in Waller County.
I have to applaud the efforts to cleanse the county of corruption. I also applaud those who have taken the places of the former officials and who are working steadfastly to make our communities a better place.
Through all that has gone on around him, Hempstead Mayor Michael Wolfe has come across with a great deal of integrity. He is resolute in his faith and is a solid leader for this community. I like him and have the utmost respect for him. But, he has one fault that drives me nuts. He can’t seem to keep time.
I realize in light of all the issues facing the city that this is a small problem, but it’s one that needlessly causes embarrassment to the city and is a chink in his armor of integrity.
City council meetings are supposed to start at 6 p.m. So far this year, that has happened only twice. In my review of city council records, meetings this year have started as late as 17 minutes after 6 p.m. and seven times have been more than 10 minutes late.
The average meeting starts more than six minutes late. To date this year, the late starts add up to two hours and 23 minutes. The lost time is equal to that of two average city council meetings, and the year isn’t over yet.
To put this in terms of dollars, if you assume an average of 18 people at a meeting, and if each earned the minimum wage of $7.25 an hour, that is a waste of $287 so far this year. Granted, not everyone in the room is on the clock, but some are. And most there earn a lot more than minimum wage.
As I said, this is a small issue, but an annoying one. How hard can it be to start a meeting on time, especially when you are already there?
I do give Mayor Wolfe a lot of credit for taking on some tough issues, such as the water problems and the need for about $9 million worth of municipal projects for which the city is planning to issue bonds. Kudos to the mayor for rising well above the corruption that has surrounded him. But please Mr. Mayor, be mindful of the time lost by others on your behalf and start the meetings on time. I know I am not alone in this complaint.
That being said, I’d like to address some of those issues facing the city. I think Mayor Wolfe is on the right track by his plan to have the city issue $9 million in bonds for municipal projects. Most of that will go toward a new sewer plant, which is the top need for the city. Next up is a new water well to replace the one that has been identified as the source of most of the arsenic in the city’s water supply. Other items proposed for the bond include a water park, ball fields and a playground. I think all of those things are essential to the quality of life in Hempstead.
The city is continually being fined by the state because of discharges from the sewer plant that are over limits for certain contaminants. The same for arsenic levels in the water. Those problems – and the fines – will continue until the problems are addressed.
As for the drinking water, arsenic is an element that occurs naturally in the environment. Trace amounts can be found in just about everything you eat or drink. But, in concentrated forms, arsenic is a powerful poison. The level of arsenic, from what I understand, is not going to harm you if you drink the water. The risk comes from long-term exposure to it – years, even decades.
I know the $9 million will be a financial burden for the city and for ratepayers, but the alternative is far more expensive in terms of not only dollars, but for health reasons and for the reputation of the city.
On that note, I think the best thing the city can do is move forward with the bond and the projects. It’s what anyone with an ounce of integrity would do.