What the dying have to say about living

 

Let’s begin 2026 by looking at the end – not the end of the year but the end of your life.

One of the people I enjoy following on social media is Daniel Pink. I’ve read several of his books, I’m on his email distribution list and I’ve watched quite a few of his podcasts. He recently shared some interesting information gleaned from a new book by Diane Button, a self-described end-of-life doula. Button sat with hundreds of people at the end of their life and has gathered a lot of insights about living.

What Pink and Button have to say blends with things I’ve learned over the years. The key lesson learned from people who are transitioning from this life to the next is that it’s the ordinary things in life that really make a difference. It’s the connections and relationships that matter most.

When you’re gone, no one will remember how much money you made, the kind of car you drove, or how big your house was. They will remember how you made them feel. They’ll remember the warmth, the laughter, the good times, the silly moments and the sharing and caring. Conversely, they’ll also remember the lies, backstabbing, putdowns, gossip, and the feeling of being used. So be kind.

Focus on the good stuff. Count your blessings, not your failures. You will always find the joys in life if you look for them. The more you look the more you will find. When you fill your life with joy and happiness, you crowd out the failures and negative thoughts. Instead of thinking about the what if’s, think about the what can be’s. Whenever you find something that makes you happy, be sure to express gratitude.

Be forgiving. Forgive others and forgive yourself. Life is messy. Mistakes are made and bad things happen. Clean your slate every day, or at least as often as you can. Right your wrongs. Forgive those who have wronged you. The only one who feels the weight of a grudge is the person holding it. Don’t leave anything important unsaid.

Show kindness. Follow the Golden Rule and do to others as you would have them do to you. Small things can make a big difference. Smile, be complimentary, be helpful and put others first. Hold the door for someone. Let traffic merge in front of you. Tip servers generously.

Be respectful and courteous. Keep your promises. Be on time. Be generous and giving. Let your light shine. Regularly tell those you love that you love them. Support and encourage those around you. You can’t build yourself up by tearing others down. Build others up and they will lift you to new heights.

Treasure the moments that life gives you. Take advantage of the time you have. You only get one shot at this life. Every moment you waste is one you won’t get back. Most people on their deathbed regret the things they didn’t do, not the things they did.

As you strive to achieve your goals, be inclusive. Don’t build an empire just to die alone in a mansion. Build your team and bring others along with you on your journey. The things we make and create and the things we do and accomplish don’t mean a thing if they can’t be shared with others.

I know this sounds like a cluster of cliches from a motivational speech, but these things are true. Sometimes we just need to be reminded. In some cases, these things need to be learned. I need to remind myself every day that my life isn’t about me. I live to serve God and my fellow man. As a journalist I strive to be honest, fair, informative and sometimes entertaining. If I do those things I know someone else’s life will be better because of it.

Whenever I write a story or a column, I look at it from the perspective of the reader. If what I’ve written makes you smarter or a little more informed about your community then I’ve done my job. If what I’ve written serves no other purpose than my own, then I have failed.

I have to confess that I have not read Button’s book “What Matters Most,” but I intend to in the coming year. I will also continue to follow Pink, as I find him to be very insightful, thought-provoking and entertaining. And I certainly don’t intend to wait until the end of the year, or my life, to start doing things that make a difference.

As the saying goes, today is the first day for the rest of your life. Start now so you can finish strong.

Looking back to see ahead

 

We have come to that time of year where the rearview mirror and windshield collide.

The end of the year is when we reflect on that past and plan for the future. It seems kind of contradictory to be looking back while looking ahead, but it helps to know where you’ve been in order to see where you’re going.

This past year has had its ups and downs but has generally been very good for me personally and professionally. I’ve completed my first full year back in daily newspapers since 2008. In my role as a reporter, I don’t have to be the chief cook and bottle washer that was at weekly newspapers in the intervening years. Being able to focus on writing has been reinvigorating without all of the management and production duties I’ve had elsewhere.

Photography remains my passion, and this job has given me ample opportunity to click away when need be. I’ve been able to report on a lot of triumphs and tragedy in 2025. I’ve covered the grassroots effort to stop the Inner Loop East highway that was to be built around Bryan and College Station. I’ve covered a murder, a murder-suicide, another very public suicide, and the fire that destroyed the iconic Harvey Washbangers. I had the somber honor of covering the funeral of Navasota Police Sgt. Mark Butler, who gave his life to save others from a wrong-way driver who was fleeing from police.

I got to cover the reopening of the Chicken Oil Co., several groundbreakings, elections, the Bryan ISD bond election, the mini monster truck built by Bryan students, and more government meetings than I can shake a stick at. OK, government meetings are not exciting, but they are important.

Recently, photographer Meredith Seaver and I got to do a ridealong/walkalong with the College Station Police Department to see what they go through on a Saturday night in Northgate after an Aggie football game. That was an exhilarating and memorable experience.

I also got to photograph most of the home football games for the Aggies this year, not with the newspaper but with a photo service called Image of Sport. I’ve photographed pro football and small colleges before, but this was my first experience with a Division I school. It was a very different experience, and I enjoyed being a part of A&M’s 11-0 run to start the season.

Personally, this year held a lot of highs and lows. I underwent three surgeries in 14 months, had to strengthen the prescription of my glasses and got hearing aids. Not fun! On the other hand, I’m alive, healthy and recovering. I’ve got some new scars, so now all I need are some great stories to go with them.

Sandy and I celebrated 26 years together this year and I marked my 60th birthday. We found out for Christmas that our oldest son got married. Last spring the baby of our family graduated from Texas A&M and left the nest. Speaking of the nest, ours is well feathered. We have a hobby farm at home that currently has 30 chickens, 12 ducks and a goose named Duckie. Oh, and we have three rabbits and are looking to buy more.

Luke, our middle son, got engaged this year to Sammy Owen. They will get married on July 7, which brings me to the windshield of 2026. The wedding is undoubtedly the biggest thing we have to look forward to in the coming year.

It’s going to be very hard to predict what will happen in the next 12 months, but I’m trying to be optimistic. I am keeping my tradition alive of predicting that I will finish writing my book about Texas Revolution reenactors. I’ve been predicting it for 10 years now, so here’s hoping it finally happens.

I’m also trying to remain optimistic about the direction our country will take, but so far the mean orange narcissist living in what’s left of the White House isn’t giving me much reason for hope. I’ll write more about that at a later date. In the meantime, we bid a fond farewell to 2025 and I wish each of you all the best as we head into 2026. Happy New Year, everyone!

Tips for making a marriage last

 

With our 26th anniversary coming up on Dec. 17, it has occurred to me that we are very likely near the midpoint of our marriage.

It’s not that we’ve set any time limits on how long Sandy and I will be married, it’s all a question of age. I was in my mid-30s when we tied the knot. We had each been married previously and brought a child each into our marriage. I’m not going to kid you, blending a family is tough. We fought a lot our first year and there were times I was ready to give up. Thank God I didn’t!

We added two more boys of our own and it wasn’t until the youngest graduated from college and moved out earlier this year that Sandy and I have ever been able to experience life together without children. Don’t get me wrong, we love our children and enjoyed raising them, but life alone together is fantastic! We didn’t get to experience that on the front end, but we’re sure enjoying it now. This empty nest has been kind of a belated honeymoon period.

We are at a season of life where many marriages fail. A surprisingly high number of couples struggle to redefine their relationship in the empty nest/early retirement years. They call it gray divorce. We’ve seen it with family and friends and I’ve read statistics on reliable websites. That has me thinking about what has made our marriage work. We’ve lived through some very devasting life events that would normally rip a marriage to pieces. Yet here we are living the dream.

So, what worked? What made our marriage so strong?

I think our Christian faith and our absolute commitment to our marriage vows is at the cornerstone. I know that statistically the Christian divorce rate pretty much mirrors the rest of the country, but when you set a firm foundation and place the bar high, your chances of success improve. It also helps to pray together and to surround yourselves with a community of believers with the same mindset.

You also have to be very patient and forgiving with each other. Nobody wakes up in the morning asking themselves what they can do that day to wreck their marriage or harm their spouse. Bad things happen and we all make mistakes from time to time. When it happens, you have to be humble and sincere in seeking and giving forgiveness. The only person a grudge hurts is the one holding it.

Another thing you absolutely have to do is place your spouse’s needs above your own. Notice I didn’t say wants. Wants never trump needs. If they do, there is a problem. Now, every marriage is going to have conflicting wants and needs. That’s where communication becomes essential. When you communicate, you have to do it in the mindset of first understanding the other person before seeking to be understood.

When you only focus on your response to what they say or your opinion, you close off communication with the other person and devalue what they have to say or feel. That is bad in all relationships, not just marriage. If you develop good listening skills, you will often find out that you are on the same page, just coming from different perspectives.

Another thing that helps is sharing your plans and dreams together. If your spouse doesn’t know what direction you’re heading, they can’t help you get there and vice versa. Sometimes you’ve got to be the wind beneath your spouse’s wings to help them achieve new heights so they in turn can help you reach your goals. You want to be helping each other up, not pulling each other down.

We had some difficult and depressing years when I was the primary breadwinner while Sandy earned her bachelor’s and master’s degrees. Today she is thriving in a job she loves and her income level is three times what mine is. She wouldn’t be there now if we didn’t work together as a team.

Almost as important as focusing on the big things in life is paying attention to the details. Multiple times a day I tell Sandy I love her and how beautiful she is. I compliment her cooking and thank her for the chores and other things she does, even the routine things. It’s amazing what an attitude of gratitude will do for a relationship.

This past week has been a real challenge for us. We started the week with a pretty full schedule of things we wanted to do, see and accomplish. Unfortunately, I came down with appendicitis and spent a couple days and nights in St. Joseph’s Hospital getting my appendix removed. Sandy was always there by my side, only leaving to take care of our animals and to get a little sleep at night.

I can’t tell you how comforting and reassuring it was to have her there in my time of need. She could have prioritized the other things we had planned, but instead she put me first and I can’t thank her enough. It’s that kind of love, dedication and commitment that assures me that the second half of our marriage is going to be better than the first half.

God bless you, Sandy, and happy anniversary!

Drinking up the Aggie Kool-Aid

 

For most of my life I did not know or care that Texas A&M University existed.

Born and raised in Colorado, anything related to Texas was irrelevant to me. I lived 11 miles from Folsom Field at the University of Colorado, and the Buffs were the only college football team I remotely cared about. Most of the time while I lived there the Buffaloes stunk. They pretty much lived in the middle or back of the Big 8 pack. Oklahoma and Nebraska dominated the conference.

When it came time for me to go to college, I chose Adams State College in the Southern Colorado town of Alamosa. I played intermural flag football but trolled the sidelines of every home football game with my Pentax K1000 camera to take photos for the South Coloradan, the student newspaper.

Adams State, now a university, has never been known as a football powerhouse. The team, known then as the Indians, went 16-22 during my four years there, and those were good years for Adams State. In the last five years the Grizzlies, as they are now known, have gone 6-49. They have not won a game since 2023 and have been outscored 1,081-269 in the last two years. Adams State is known for its cross country teams, which have won numerous NAIA and NCAA Division II national championships under the guidance of the late coach Joe I. Vigil.

The Colorado Buffaloes didn’t really get good until after I moved out of state in the late 1980s. Under Coach Bill McCartney the Buffs won the 1990 national championship. That was the last time I had an interest in the NCAA championship game until I moved to Amarillo in 2005 when Texas won the national title. Back then, I was just beginning to learn about the Texas schools.

We moved to Rosenberg southwest of Houston in 2008. I still didn’t care much about the Texas college teams until the medical clinic my wife worked for got purchased by UTHealth. If anything, that got us leaning a little toward Austin. Sandy, however, earned her master’s degree in 2017 from Texas Women’s University, a former sister school to Texas A&M.

It wasn’t until our youngest son Colton received his acceptance letter to Texas A&M in the fall of 2020 that we really started paying attention to TAMU. He was accepted into the engineering school and the Corps of Cadets. We very closely followed his journey as he proudly enrolled in the fall of 2021. Sandy joined the Aggie Moms and the Quad Moms. We came up for football games and really started getting into all things A&M.

Then, the week before Thanksgiving, Colton punched from the Corps. That hit us hard, as we were living gung-ho vicariously through him, learning Aggie traditions and guzzling the Aggie Kool-Aid. As we were battling through our depression, Colton was coming out of his. That spring he switched majors to psychology and his countenance brightened considerably.

We made the move to Brazos County in the summer of 2023. After making several visits here, we found that we loved the area. It also let Colton live from home his last two years in college. Since moving here, we have become big-time Aggie fans. Sandy became an officer in the local Aggie Moms group and is still active with the Quad Moms. I worked the football games in 2024 as a security guard and then spent this season as a photographer on the sidelines with Image of Sport.

Of course, I’ve met a lot of people and written numerous stories about A&M since joining The Eagle over a year ago. This year, however, we really got excited about the Aggies as the football team went 11-0 going into the Lone Star Showdown game against t.u. We watched the game with some friends and came away feeling though as if someone had peed burnt orange juice into our Aggie Kool-Aid.

Still, the playoffs are coming, and it looks like we’ll get a home game. We may have lost the perfect season and a chance to play for the Southeast Conference championship, but we still have a shot at the national title. At least that’s more than we can say for the team from Austin.

Gig ’em, Aggies!

The story behind the story at Northgate

 It’s one thing to report on the news. It’s quite another to become a part of it.

Last Saturday, photographer Meredith Seaver and I did a ride along with the College Station Police Department in the Northgate Entertainment District. We’ve been trying for more than a year to get a ride along set up, and the Texas A&M football game against Samford provided a good opportunity for us to see what the local cops go through on game days.

When I first pitched the idea, I imagined hanging out in a patrol car on a Friday night from about 8 p.m. to 10 p.m. or as late as midnight. I’m no spring chicken anymore, and it’s tough staying up much later than that. What we ended up arranging was a Saturday night, beginning at midnight. At first, I balked but then went along with it.

Rather than riding in a car, officer David Simmons, the department’s public information officer, arranged for us to do a walk along in the city’s bar district. We met him at 11:30 p.m. at the police station and filled out all of our paperwork and received our instructions. Simmons then drove us to Northgate. We parked on a block cordoned off with yellow police tape. The officers call it 100 Block and it serves as a base of operations. From there officers conduct foot patrols and also have a place to bring detainees for transport to jail.

I spent much of my time following Lt. Travis Pritchett. He commands the College Station Tourism and Entertainment Police (CSTEP) unit.

Around 1:30 a.m. a call came in about a theft in progress. Several of us took of running from 100 Block toward the Prominade. OK, most of the others took off running. My pace was more of a jog and Simmons stayed back and jogged beside me. As we reached the covered shelter of the Prominade, Simmons ran ahead of me. I was struggling to see what was happening and didn’t watch where I was going. I tripped on the curb and went down hard just as a couple of people ran past me going the other way.

I got up just in time to see Simmons take someone to the ground and get on top of him. Soon there was a dogpile of police officers on and around the guy. I pulled out my phone and snapped a few pictures. Apparently, the guy, later identified as Apolo Flores, made a football-style stance and knocked over one of the officers responding to the call. The officer hurt his wrist and suffered some abrasions.

As we headed back to 100 Block, I noticed the right knee in my jeans was torn and I had a bleeding scrape on my knee. A paramedic from the fire department helped clean and bandage my knee. The worst of it for me, aside from the torn jeans, was my bruised ego. Like I said earlier, I’m no spring chicken.

That was probably the most exciting thing that happened that night. We continued to observe as the officers worked the crowds and made a few arrests. There was a noticeable shift at 2 a.m. when the bars closed and hundreds of patrons poured out into the already crowded streets. The tension level of the officers ratcheted up a few notches and their heads were on swivels.

After about 20 minutes, several officers formed a line at the end of College Main and took out flashlights with a strobe effect. They marched down the street, clearing out the crowd.

We concluded our time at Northgate around 2:40 a.m. and were back at the police station by 3 a.m. Not only did I manage to stay awake, but I was still pretty wired when I got home and went to bed.

The next morning, I told Sandy about my experiences and explained the rip in my jeans to her. That afternoon I was out doing chores when Sandy called me over. She was reading a post on Facebook about the incident with Flores tackling the officer.

“According to CSPD, the man laughed and walked away — then did the exact same thing to an elderly bystander, knocking him down too. That gentleman was treated on scene for knee abrasions,” the post said.

What?! Elderly bystander?! I wasn’t knocked down; I tripped. I guess from the reporting officer’s perspective it looked like Flores hit me when he ran past, but he never made contact. Still, we got a chuckle out of it and I’ve taken some good-natured ribbing as being the “elderly bystander.”

Like I said, I’m no spring chicken, but at 60 years of age I don’t quite feel elderly. I don’t know, maybe it’s time to own it and embrace my newfound elderliness. You can read all about the experience in my story in Sunday’s paper. And for those of you old enough to remember radio commentator Paul Harvey, now you know the rest of the story.

Branson is something to be experienced

 My first thought upon arriving in Branson, Missouri, is “why can’t we do this in Bryan/College Station?”

My second thought was, “Thank God we don’t!”

For decades I’ve heard about what a wonderful place Branson is with all of its live music and theaters. I never really paid it much mind until a couple weeks ago when Sandy’s parents invited us to join them on a week-long vacation there. Branson isn’t a place to go to be entertained. It’s a place you have to experience. It far exceeded my expectations.

Branson is a family-friendly Midwestern Las Vegas but without the casinos. It has all the bright lights and gaudy buildings that make a drive down the main drag an entertainment in itself.

From the huge, mirrored octopus and King Kong on the Empire State Building to a half-scale replica of the Titanic, an upside-down building and even a giant rooster, it is a sight to behold. Add to that the fact that we visited during the shoulder season in the second week of November, and we hit the peak time for fall leaf colors but missed out on the huge crowds. If you ever desire to visit Branson, that’s the time to do it.

In addition to gorgeous scenery and small crowds, the city is geared up for Christmas and the holiday shows are under way. I normally cringe at Christmas before Thanksgiving, but I made an exception for this. It was wonderful and got me into the holiday spirit.

The highlight of our trip was going to the Sight and Sound Theatre to see “David.” The production was so elaborate and so powerful that it makes Broadway shows look like community theater. It’s a multisensory experience on a semicircle stage. It includes live animals – lots of them!

After a long drive to get there, Sandy’s parents rested on Monday while Sandy and I toured the Titanic Museum Attraction. I’ve been a Titanic buff since reading Clive Cussler’s “Raise the Titanic” in the late 1970s. Being in the museum was almost like being on the ship itself with its replicas of the grand staircase and bridge. It has hundreds of artifacts and numerous reproductions. The only thing that disappointed me about the two-story museum was the fact they don’t allow photography on the first floor, which is where many of the salvaged artifacts are displayed.

On Tuesday we went to the Veterans Memorial Museum, which covers World War II through the Gulf War. It was very poignant and moving. That evening we went to Riga Tony’s Murder Mystery Dinner Show. It was a 1930s prohibition era mobster whodunit with unique audience participation and a surprising twist at the end. The food wasn’t to die for but the entertainment sure was.

Wednesday, which happened to be the anniversary of Sandy’s 29th birthday, was the day we went to see “David.” The musical recounts the life of King David from the Bible. Past shows have featured Jesus, Noah, Esther, Moses, Jonah, Joseph, Daniel, and Samson.

The next day we took a trip on the Branson Scenic Railway, which took us on a short journey south into Arkansas and back. It was a spectacular way to see the fall foliage. We finished our excursion on Friday with a triple-header. Sandy and I took a ride on the Copperhead Mountain Coaster and then toured the Dinosaur Museum. That evening we all went to the Legends in Concert for our finale. It featured tribute artists doing the music of Elvis Presley, the Blues Brothers, Shania Twain, The Judds, and Toby Keith. Their grand finale was a medley of Christmas songs.

For Branson newbies, there are some things you need to be aware of. The town has lots of visitor centers. These are not chamber of commerce centers to help you find things to see and do. They are high-pressure sales offices designed to separate you from your money. The staff will seem friendly enough, asking you where you’re from, where you’re staying and what shows you’re seeing. That’s where the upselling begins.

Your best bet is to use Google, Yelp and other trusted sights to find the attractions you want to visit and then buy tickets directly from them. It’s true that the local visitor centers can probably get you a better deal, but by the time they’ve sold you other packages you will have spent more money that you originally intended.

Trust your navigation apps to find shortcuts around town. Driving the main drag may be the shortest way, but congestion can more than triple your travel time. If you’re driving, be aware that Branson is in the Ozarks and is so hilly that it makes the Texas Hill Country look flat.

Branson was a great place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there. That’s why I’m glad Bryan/College Station hasn’t tried to make itself a similar entertainment destination. Our roads are congested enough already. The glitz and glamour would wear off quickly and the high cost of living in such a city would make living here difficult.

That being said, there is so much to see and do in Branson that we couldn’t get to in a week that we plan to go back some day for more entertainment and adventure. In the meantime, it sure is great to be back in Aggieland!

Find your why through volunteering

 “There’s nothing stronger than the heart of a volunteer.” – Jimmy Doolittle

 

What is your why? What is your passion? What motivates you to get out of bed in the morning? What is it that you desire or get really excited about?

For many people, a job or hobby is the answer to these questions. Others will say family and/or friends. Some people won’t consciously think about these things. They just get up and methodically go through the motions of the day.

All of us have something that drives us and gives us purpose in life. Most of us have several things – God, family, work that we love, a life to build, things to create and experience. All of these things are great, but they don’t mean much if we’re doing them just for ourselves. The best thing you can do is to do something for someone else.

There is nothing like the experience of making someone smile, knowing you have made them happy or eased their pain in some way. That experience is even sweeter if it’s done without personal gain or profit. That is how I define volunteerism. Volunteering comes in many different forms. It could be something as simple as helping someone out in a pinch or a long-time commitment to serve an organization.

There are about as many ways to volunteer as there are volunteers. It can be a one-off like buying coffee for the next person in line at the coffee shop, holding a door for someone, or helping a stranded motorist fix a flat tire. Maybe you make a monthly time commitment to volunteer with a favorite charity or your church. It could be an annual event like ringing bells for The Salvation Army’s Red Kettle Campaign or helping with a food or toy drive.

Some of the most enjoyable volunteer experiences involve membership in a nonprofit organization, such as a church, the Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, FFA, 4-H, Aggie Moms, Rotary, Lions, community theater, reenactments groups, historical associations, state park volunteer groups, military organizations (VFW, American Legion), and such.

There are numerous nonprofits that don’t require membership that need volunteers including Habitat for Humanity, The Salvation Army, United Way, American Red Cross, YMCA, animal rescues and shelters, educational foundations, homeless shelters, youth camps, museums, humanitarian organizations, groups with a medical focus, and so on. There is a great list of local charities on the BCS Chamber’s website at www.bcschamber.org.

Right now, the Brazos Valley Food Bank and its partner food pantries are practically begging for volunteers, especially with the government shutdown. Demands for their services are skyrocketing and they need help.

Local governments and school districts are also in need of volunteers to work on boards and committees. Sometimes these positions can be a stepping stone to job or career opportunities. A lot of elected officials started out serving on committees and boards. If public service as an elected official doesn’t appeal to you, maybe you can volunteer to help someone run for office.

Another way to help is by donating blood. The American Red Cross and Gulf Coast Blood Center are always needing donors.

Sandy and I have always been active volunteers in one thing or another. We raised our children to be volunteers and to have a heart for serving others. During times when we didn’t have much money, we always found that we had time to give.

One of the things I’ve learned over the years is that volunteering is mutually beneficial. The people you help clearly benefit from your service, but the joy you receive in return is priceless.

I’m reminded of the quote by Zig Ziglar that, “You can have everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want.” That means putting other people first. Volunteering with a selfish motive isn’t volunteering, it’s manipulation. You have to genuinely care about others and see to their needs.

Doing that is what keeps me motivated in my job and in my volunteer positions. It’s what gets me out of bed and drives me through even the most difficult of days. At bedtime, I take comfort in knowing that someone’s life is better because I chose to make a difference.

It may be that you have a job that you’re not excited about, or perhaps no job at all. You can still find energy and passion in a volunteer position that will help give you meaning and a reason to roll out of bed each morning. Find your why and do it!