Not talking politics

Let’s not talk politics, shall we?
I don’t like politics. The more we talk about them the less intelligent I feel. So let’s not talk about the fact that Hillary Clinton doesn’t have a rat’s patootie’s chance against Barack Obama bin Laden or whatever his name is.
I don’t think it really matters who wins the Donkeycratic nomination in Denver this summer. Ain’t a one of ’em in the lot that’s got a chance against John McCain. At least that’s what I’d tell ya’ if we was talking politics, which of course, we ain’t.
Now, here’s why – despite the fact that Dubbya has messed things up real bad for the Elephants – that McCain is gonna win in November. It’s the ghost of Harry Truman.
For those of you who are old enough to remember – and that certainly doesn’t include me – ol’ “Give ’em Hell Harry” wasn’t supposed to win the election. His party was a demoralized disgrace, kind of like Britney Spears in a Mother of the Year contest.
Now Truman, who played for the Donkeys, was a war hero and well-known politician who worked hard and beat Thomas Dewey, who came across real slick and polished and trumpeted himself as the candidate of change.
Assuming that history will repeat itself, flash forward to 2008 (it’s a stretch, I know, but play along anyway). You’ve got McCain as the war hero and popular politician whose values are pretty much in line with all us good hard-workin,’ right-wing, conservative Christians.
If you pit McCain against Obama, you’ve got the war hero against the slick candidate for change. Obama has more going against him than just a weird name – one that happens to be very similar to Public Enemy No. 1. Obama has been linked to Islam, the religion of our enemies. In his effort to break that link, he aligned himself with a real nut job. Now he’s trying to break that link.
There also is a picture going around the Internet of him not holding his hand over his heart during the Pledge. That’s just plain un-American!
If we was talkin’ politics – which we ain’t – I’d be reminding you that he stands for abortion and same-sex marriage. I don’t know where he stands on gun control, but if he’s like his fellow Donkeycrats, he won’t trust you with a gun, but he will let you kill your babies. That just don’t make a lick of sense to me.
The one other factor that really hasn’t been talked about is racism. Obama is black and I don’t think this country is ready to elect a black person as president. Racism is still too strong. I know, I lived in North Carolina long enough to be called both racist and an “N-word lover.”
Personally, I don’t have any problem with his race or the color of his skin. It’s the character of the man inside I’ve got issues with. At least that’s what I’d tell you if this column was about politics, which it ain’t.
While I don’t have a problem with him being black, there are too many people out there who do. While they may not tell that to the pollsters, they will say it loud and clear at the polls.
Now, you might be asking yourself, “if this column isn’t about politics, what is it about?” The answer is this – cheeseburgers.
I think cheeseburgers are the greatest invention since sliced bread – which of course you need in order to have a good, juicy cheeseburger. I think the cheeseburger is the perfect all-American food. And the most popular place to get one is at McDonald’s. And McDonald’s reminds me of McCain because they both have the McIrish thing going for them.
So if I don’t feel like talking politics, I just go to McDonald’s and cast my vote there. And yes, I would like fries with that.