Prevent suicide by overcoming stigmas

 

No one else knew. There’s no way they could know. I hadn’t told anyone.

As I sat in the courtroom covering the regular meeting of the Brazos County Commissioners Court on Tuesday, Aug. 26, my heart was breaking. While the commissioners were presenting a proclamation about September being Suicide Awareness Month, it was all I could do to choke back tears and keep a straight face. That day would have been my middle brother’s 59th birthday.

I should have been texting or calling him back in Colorado to wish him a happy birthday. Instead, I was reminded of how he ended his life with a single gunshot four years earlier.

It was Jan. 1, 2021. Don was about to be evicted from his home. My youngest brother showed up that morning to help him move. He rang the doorbell and heard the gun go off. In an instant, our lives changed forever. Don’s final message to the world was a three-word note that said, “cremate this body.”

Don is a classic case for suicide awareness. He was a Navy veteran and had mental health issues in addition to other health problems. It is estimated that 17.6 military veterans take their lives every day. Don suffered from self-imposed loneliness, which is a leading factor in suicide. In hindsight, we should have seen it coming. We just didn’t want to believe that he had reached that point.

My dad, brother and I did what we could to reach out to him. He was a recluse and frequently cut off communication with the family for long periods of time. My brother took Don in for a while to help get him cleaned up, find a job and get back on his feet. It was all for naught. As soon as he returned home Don quit his job and quit talking to the family.

I tried from afar to get him connected to various social services and nonprofit agencies. We’d get him set up and then he would no-show.

We spent years trying to work with him, but it was like moving one step forward and two steps back. In the end, his passing, although very painful, was also a relief. There is a lot of stress and heartache that goes on when you try to help a loved one who rebuffs your efforts. I don’t think we’ll ever understand why we couldn’t get through to him.

When someone close to you takes their life, you can’t help but take it personally. You automatically ask yourself why you didn’t see this coming. What could I have done to prevent this? What were the warning signs? Blaming yourself is a natural part of the grief process. The bottom line is it is not your fault.

There are many cases such as cyberbullying where someone pushes a person to the brink of suicide, and in those cases the bully does bear responsibility. The ultimate decision to end one’s life, however, remains in the hands of the deceased.

One of the main reasons I’m sharing Don’s story is to help overcome the stigma of talking about suicide. As a journalist I’ve always been taught that we don’t report on deaths if it is a suicide out of concern that it might somehow glorify suicide or encourage copycat behavior. The truth is, we do need to talk about it. It’s a conversation we can’t have unless we address mental health issues as well.

I know this from personal experience. Years ago, I suffered from chronic depression. I had bouts where I no longer wanted to live. I wasn’t prepared to kill myself, but I just didn’t feel like living anymore. Each time I went to those dark places in my mind, I received help. I thank God that I have a loving family and supportive church family to watch out for me. I had a mental illness. I got treatment and today I am thriving. There is help and hope.

We must all learn to watch out for each other. We need to overcome the taboos and stigmas of talking about mental health and suicide. There was once a time when it was socially unacceptable to talk about things like cancer and alcoholism. Where did that get us?

It’s by opening up and engaging in conversation and sharing our experiences that we learn how to overcome problems and heal. Having a mental health problem is no different than any other medical condition. The brain is an organ, just like any other part of the body. When it gets sick, it needs treatment.

I encourage you to take advantage of September as Suicide Awareness Month to learn about the causes and how you can spot symptoms in your friends and colleagues. Together we can make a difference and save lives.