What attracts two people together?
What is it, aside from their physical attributes, that attracted you to your spouse? Conversely, what is it, aside from your physical attributes, that you think attracts your spouse to you?
Obviously, our appearance is the first thing we notice. Setting that aside and getting to the heart of the matter, what is it that makes you click as a couple? There are two clichés that come immediately to mind: “Opposites attract” and “we have a lot in common.”
In order to “complete” each other, it is assumed that we need to fill the voids in our lives, thus the attraction of opposites. But if we’re completely opposite we would have nothing in common to share and build a relationship on.
That reminds me of another cliché used to describe relationships: “It’s complicated.” I know what it is that attracted me to Sandy and what keeps me attracted (that is, beyond her beautiful feminine features). We have a lot in common. We share a love for Jesus Christ and we cherish our family values. We have similar interests in movies, music, food, sports and other cultural trappings. I like that she cooks from scratch, loves to sew, has a passion for books and enjoys getting out and doing things.
I like that she is the “queen of free” and has a knack for finding fun, free and low-cost things to do. She is very practical and thrifty and knows how to bargain. She has a very caring heart and loves to volunteer and help others. She is an excellent mother and lover.
At the same time, we are opposites. She has a mind for numbers and business. Her expertise with the medical insurance industry has saved us thousands of dollars over the years. Her nursing background has helped us to no end when dealing with doctors and hospitals. She manages our money and does it fairly well.
I, on the other hand, have a fear of numbers. I don’t do them well and have a great need for someone like Sandy to fill that void in my life. She is a computer whiz and I’m just a lowly consumer. She is mechanically inclined and I can never remember which way to turn a wrench.
Of course, I have characteristics that drew her to me. And just as soon as one of us can figure out what they are, we’ll let you know.
Actually, she said that she took her second look at me when a mutual female friend said that I was “too religious” for her taste. Sandy wanted a man with a heart for God and found that in me. I think my natural good looks and quick wit helped to. (Hush! No comments from the peanut gallery.)
It’s safe to say that I disappointed a lot of women the day I got married. Now I can focus on disappointing just the one. (Insert rim-shot here.)
Seriously though, the one thing that holds us together is our relationship with Jesus Christ. He has been our anchor in this very stormy life. We have survived a lot of hardship in the last 10 years and are still together and as madly in love as we were on our honeymoon. It’s fair to say that we haven’t always been “in love” all the time. No one is. But we’ve survived many things that would destroy a marriage and have come out on the other side closer than ever.
Even now as we face some mid-life changes in our lives, there is no one I’d rather be with than this exceptional woman who has put up with me and my eccentricities all this time. How many other women would put up with a gap-toothed, pot-bellied, middle-aged man who likes to dress up as the Lone Ranger, attend science fiction conventions, read comic books and who doesn’t like cars? I’m telling you, Sandy’s a rare gem and I’m very honored and privileged to have her as my wife.
Attraction is what brings people together. Commitment is what keeps them together. I think that’s the secret to a good marriage. Sandy and I are committed to each other and our vows no matter what. I’ve been learning that as long as I put her needs above my own that she will do the same for me.
That being said, and in all fairness, I don’t always put her needs first. I’m your average, clueless American male and I don’t always catch the hints she drops. Sometimes I don’t even get them when she clubs me over the head with them like a 2-by-4. And there are times when my own selfishness gets in the way.
Eventually I will come around and see the error of my ways. There are two simple rules to marriage that cannot be changed. First, the woman is always right. Second, if the woman is wrong, see rule No. 1.
Once again I have strayed off topic. Sometimes it’s fun – or at least enlightening – to sit back and think of the things that attract you to your mate. It’s also a good time to think about what you can do to satisfy your mate and work on your relationship. I feel that if every couple did this as a regular exercise you would see a lot less divorce and marital discord in this country.
Obviously, our appearance is the first thing we notice. Setting that aside and getting to the heart of the matter, what is it that makes you click as a couple? There are two clichés that come immediately to mind: “Opposites attract” and “we have a lot in common.”
In order to “complete” each other, it is assumed that we need to fill the voids in our lives, thus the attraction of opposites. But if we’re completely opposite we would have nothing in common to share and build a relationship on.
That reminds me of another cliché used to describe relationships: “It’s complicated.” I know what it is that attracted me to Sandy and what keeps me attracted (that is, beyond her beautiful feminine features). We have a lot in common. We share a love for Jesus Christ and we cherish our family values. We have similar interests in movies, music, food, sports and other cultural trappings. I like that she cooks from scratch, loves to sew, has a passion for books and enjoys getting out and doing things.
I like that she is the “queen of free” and has a knack for finding fun, free and low-cost things to do. She is very practical and thrifty and knows how to bargain. She has a very caring heart and loves to volunteer and help others. She is an excellent mother and lover.
At the same time, we are opposites. She has a mind for numbers and business. Her expertise with the medical insurance industry has saved us thousands of dollars over the years. Her nursing background has helped us to no end when dealing with doctors and hospitals. She manages our money and does it fairly well.
I, on the other hand, have a fear of numbers. I don’t do them well and have a great need for someone like Sandy to fill that void in my life. She is a computer whiz and I’m just a lowly consumer. She is mechanically inclined and I can never remember which way to turn a wrench.
Of course, I have characteristics that drew her to me. And just as soon as one of us can figure out what they are, we’ll let you know.
Actually, she said that she took her second look at me when a mutual female friend said that I was “too religious” for her taste. Sandy wanted a man with a heart for God and found that in me. I think my natural good looks and quick wit helped to. (Hush! No comments from the peanut gallery.)
It’s safe to say that I disappointed a lot of women the day I got married. Now I can focus on disappointing just the one. (Insert rim-shot here.)
Seriously though, the one thing that holds us together is our relationship with Jesus Christ. He has been our anchor in this very stormy life. We have survived a lot of hardship in the last 10 years and are still together and as madly in love as we were on our honeymoon. It’s fair to say that we haven’t always been “in love” all the time. No one is. But we’ve survived many things that would destroy a marriage and have come out on the other side closer than ever.
Even now as we face some mid-life changes in our lives, there is no one I’d rather be with than this exceptional woman who has put up with me and my eccentricities all this time. How many other women would put up with a gap-toothed, pot-bellied, middle-aged man who likes to dress up as the Lone Ranger, attend science fiction conventions, read comic books and who doesn’t like cars? I’m telling you, Sandy’s a rare gem and I’m very honored and privileged to have her as my wife.
Attraction is what brings people together. Commitment is what keeps them together. I think that’s the secret to a good marriage. Sandy and I are committed to each other and our vows no matter what. I’ve been learning that as long as I put her needs above my own that she will do the same for me.
That being said, and in all fairness, I don’t always put her needs first. I’m your average, clueless American male and I don’t always catch the hints she drops. Sometimes I don’t even get them when she clubs me over the head with them like a 2-by-4. And there are times when my own selfishness gets in the way.
Eventually I will come around and see the error of my ways. There are two simple rules to marriage that cannot be changed. First, the woman is always right. Second, if the woman is wrong, see rule No. 1.
Once again I have strayed off topic. Sometimes it’s fun – or at least enlightening – to sit back and think of the things that attract you to your mate. It’s also a good time to think about what you can do to satisfy your mate and work on your relationship. I feel that if every couple did this as a regular exercise you would see a lot less divorce and marital discord in this country.
posted by Joe Southern | 9:05 AM
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