Love is more than a feeling

On Jan. 16, 1964, a young, carrot-topped, freckled-faced Air Force Airman from California and a cute, brunette nurse from Omaha said “I do.”
The engagement was short and the marriage challenging, but last month my parents celebrated 45 years on their road to forever together.
His hair is frosty now, though a little orange peeks through. She hasn’t practiced as a nurse since she became a housewife, but has held several jobs over the years. Both have been an inspiration and a model for holding a family together no matter how tough things get.
It’s hard to believe that 45 years have gone by. I find their love story encouraging, especially with Valentine’s Day coming up this weekend.
I’ve always admired my parents for sticking together, even when they didn’t feel like it. Today they’re inseparable and as much “in love” as two people can be.
Knowing what I do of their journey, it proves that love is more a choice than a feeling. Anyone can be “in love” with someone. But feelings change. Staying in love requires commitment. We must choose to stay with those we love in times when the feelings are distant. Too often when the feeling is gone, so is the marriage. Vows, promises and commitments vanish with the ebb and flow of our emotions.
True love is being able to love when you least feel like it. I’ve had plenty of times in my marriages when I’ve had to apply this. The funny thing about love is, when you hold onto it — when you give it a chance — it comes back. It’s when you give up that love is lost forever.
One of my favorite movies is “Galaxy Quest.” The motto of the character played by Tim Allen is “never give up, never surrender.” That ought to be the marriage motto.
My first year of marriage to Sandy was tough — a lot tougher than any of the 11 years with my first wife. But we stuck it out, and the rewards have been incredible. I have a much healthier, vibrant and enjoyable marriage than I ever thought possible. Could it be better? Sure. But half the fun is embarking on the journey and facing the challenge together. The adventure becomes even more exciting when you throw in a kid ... or two ... or three ... or four. Suddenly, you’re forced to be on the same side because those youngsters have you outnumbered.
If you and your spouse are not on the same page, your kids will know this, exploit it and really complicate things. When your kids see a show of unity on your side, they will honor and respect that.
That doesn’t mean they won’t test it — they will. But if your defense is solid, you’ll keep their offenses in check. And as we all know, good defenses win Super Bowls.
Whenever I think about all the things my parents went through in the past 45 years, there is one song that keeps coming to mind. It’s the Crystal Gayle classic “You Never Gave Up on Me.”
“You never gave up on me when I was giving love up on you,
Every time I thought this love can’t work,
You stayed to see it through.
You never gave up on me when I was making
Things rough on you
And you showed me what it really means to love somebody.
And though sometimes we might not see things eye to eye,
You’ve always met me more than half the way,
So for all the times I’ve let you down
And you could have packed your things and gone,
I love you most of all because you stayed.”
Man, they just don’t write love songs like that anymore. Maybe if they did, there would be fewer divorces in the world. Maybe we would be seeing many more milestone anniversary announcements in the paper than we do.
I’m no expert on love and marriage. But there is one lesson I’ve learned — the big secret to a lasting and successful marriage that everyone should know.
It’s simple really. The family that prays together stays together. If you’ve got God as the foundation of your marriage, it can withstand anything as long as you keep him there.
A marriage with you, your spouse and God at the core is unstoppable. As it says in Ecclesiastes 4:12B, “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
Mom, Dad, thank you for staying together and modeling for me and my brothers everything that a good marriage should be. And may God bless you with many more milestones on your path to living happily ever after.