Focusing on fatherhood

 There is probably no other cultural institution under greater attack than that of fatherhood.

Sunday is Father’s Day. Every year my wife and kids do an admirable job of celebrating Father’s Day with me. I really appreciate their efforts. What I enjoy the most, however, is just spending time with them, or at least hearing from the kids now that they have all left the nest. Of course, I enjoy that every opportunity I get, not just on Father’s Day.

I realize that I am very fortunate to have a solid relationship with my children, my father and my father-in-law. I also know how increasingly rare that is. There are innumerable reports of the increase in fatherlessness in America. Far too many children are being raised in households without their father present, most by single mothers.

The lack of fathers in the home is causing generational harm with boys growing into manhood without any concept of what it means to not only be a man but to be a father. With all due respect to the moms, you can’t pass down to your children something you don’t have yourself. Our prisons and jails are populated with people who, for the most part, did not grow up with their father in the home.

It’s not just the boys who are impacted. Girls need their fathers as much as the boys do. All children should grow up with their mother and father together in the home. That is the ideal standard ordained by God and proven over time. Unfortunately, we’ve gotten away from that.

In my journey as a man and a father, I’ve seen how modern society has come to devalue manhood and especially fatherhood. Television sitcom dads have been relegated to the role of affable morons, if they’re in the picture at all. The push has been to idolize the strong mom. Empowering women has come at the price of emasculating men.

Rather than dwelling on that, I want to talk about the importance of fathers. Fathers are most notably the pillar of strength and security in a home. They are also loving, caring and nurturing. They are a stabilizing force for the family.

Fathers do many things from washing dishes to changing diapers. They help with homework and play catch. They give instruction and direction. Fathers are role models and disciplinarians. Fathers are coaches, hunters, fishermen, campers, drivers, tea drinkers, makeup models, dancers, wrestlers, game players, referees, dinner plate cleaners, and so much more.

The most important thing a father can do is to love his wife, the mother of his children. That is foundational for all family relationships. At the center of it all should be God. Fathers are the spiritual leaders of the home. A father should pray for and with his children and his wife. As the saying goes, “the family that prays together stays together.”

Fatherhood is not easy. You will be tested, and you will question every action you take or fail to take. That’s just human nature. We all do it. For me, I had the challenge of raising my children while living in poverty and suffering from depression. I am where I am today by the grace of God and the love of a strong, God-fearing woman.

Our children are good, hardworking adults. If I may take a proud dad moment here, Luke, our middle son, just got engaged to his girlfriend last weekend. These are the kind of moments that you live for as a parent. We are so proud of him and happy for them both. I can only hope that the example I set for him will carry him into his marriage and hopefully onto fatherhood someday.

Sandy and I each have great fathers who set the bar high for us. I think it’s safe to say that one of their greatest achievements is the legacy of love and commitment that is now being carried by their grandchildren.

The love and stability of a healthy, nuclear family produces confident, intelligent children who are strong leaders, dependable workers, and caring individuals. This is why we should honor and respect the men who embrace their roles as husbands and fathers. Too many fathers avoid the responsibility or are denied the opportunity to become a great dad.

Instead of attacking fatherhood, we should be taking up arms in defense of it.

And men, it’s up to you to prove yourself worthy of being a father. After all, any man can become a father. It takes someone special to be a dad.