Have the courage to man-up for your kids

I finally got to hole-up for a couple hours in a movie theater last week and watch “Courageous”.
It was pretty much as I expected it to be, which is a good thing. Being a fan of the previous films produced by Sherwood Baptist Church of Albany, Ga., I knew it would provide inspiration based on biblical principles amid action, comedy and drama. The quality of the production and the acting has steadily improved with each outing by Sherwood Pictures.
The focus of “Courageous” is on fatherhood. Their previous films have focused on marriage (“Fireproof”), integrity (“Facing the Giants”), and honesty (“Flywheel”). In “Courageous”, the story revolves around four men – three sheriff’s deputies and a laborer. The four men come together and, through various trials, learn what it means to be a father. Each has their own story and I won’t ruin it here with spoilers. If you haven’t seen it, you’re missing something special.
I knew going in that I needed to be convicted and inspired in my role as a father. I have four children, three boys who live at home and an adult (gulp!) daughter from a previous marriage who lives in Virginia. Many times in the movie I felt like the script had been written under my roof.
The part where one of the fathers is emotionally detached from his oldest child, a son, and devoted to his little daughter could very well be me. I met my oldest son just before his fourth birthday. I was dating his mother and adopted him after Sandy and I were married. I love him to no end, but it has been hard for me to show it. He was (is) a vivacious character who could steal your heart and simultaneously push your hot buttons.
Too often he would steal his mother’s heart while pushing my buttons, which led to a lot of conflict. As a result, I was never as close to him as I am with his younger brothers. At 4 years of age his personality was set and I had no say in shaping his early character. We tend to be polar opposites in personality. He’s outgoing and I’m quiet. He is good with math and electronics and I’d rather read a book. He likes modern music and I’m content with classic country. You get the picture.
I have tried to be a part of his life, but I don’t give myself passing grades for the effort. I am often there with him but rarely there for him. The things he likes do not appeal to me and vice versa. That’s not to say that we don’t get along. We do. There is a mutual love and respect now that he’s well into his teen years. Still, I can’t help but wonder how much jealousy and/or envy he feels for his brothers and sister. I’ve been able to engage in their lives much more easily.
(Wesley, if you’re reading this, I want you to know how sorry I am for every minute that I spent on the computer and not at your side. I’m sorry for almost never playing catch, board games and generally horsing around with you. I hope you can forgive me. I really want to make it up to you but I don’t know how. You’re a young man now with your own life pursuits. Please understand that I love you very much and I desire to be a vital part of your life.)
As I was reminded very vividly in the movie, life is precious and short. Our relationships are what matter most in this life. Without relationships and love, all the money and power in the world ain’t worth squat. Since I don’t have any money to worry about, I should be investing a lot more of myself into my children and my wife. Even if I did have money, I still need to be more involved with my family. I have always had a tendency to be a little aloof, not just with my children but with most everyone. It’s not that I feel superior or disinterested, I just have a difficult time connecting with people the way I should.
I feel like I’m paying the price for that now with my two younger brothers. I did have a superiority complex being the oldest. I was more interested in finding my own friends than spending time with them. Now I haven’t seen them (or my friends) in years. I feel like I’ve lost touch with a part of me.
Time and money keep me from visiting. Time and money have kept me from a lot of things. I refuse to let them keep me from my familial relationships. I will have the courage to change. I will engage in the lives of my loved ones. It takes real courage to man-up like that. I don’t need a movie to tell me do it. Without the movie, however, I would be struggling a lot more on this journey without its guiding light.