The measure of a real man

Zefram Cochrane, the fictional character from Star Trek, was quoted as saying “Don’t try to be a great man, just be a man.”
With Father’s Day coming up this Sunday, I thought I’d take a look at manhood and what it means to be a man. The broadest definition means all of mankind, male and female. That’s not the definition I’m going to use today. My focus is on the male of the species, primarily the adult male.
Technically, all adult males are men. Our society, however, has a different definition of a man. A real, red-blooded, American man is John Wayne, Gen. George Patton, the pre-Governator Arnold Schwarzenegger, or the fictional Col. Miles Quaritch, the tough, scar-faced Marine played by Stephen Lang in the movie Avatar. A real man is tough, strong, stalwart and unbendable.
It’s my hope to dispel some of those myths. A real man is all of those things and none of those things. A real man is tough, but he is also vulnerable and has a soft heart. A real man is strong, but he is also humble and meek. A real man is stalwart, but he is also thoughtful and tender. A real man is unbendable, but he is also flexible.
To truly be a real man, one must first be a follower of Jesus and have a heart modeled after God’s own heart. He is resolute in his beliefs and has a passion for compassion. A real man is tough in that he can defend his beliefs and can take criticism for what it is. He proves he is tough not by what he can do, but by what he does not do. A tough man does not give in or is easily moved.
Underneath his tough exterior is something worth protecting. It is a loving, tender heart. It is a man who is willing to be vulnerable and to open himself up to the wants and needs of his family, his loved ones and those who cannot fend for themselves. His toughness is like the shell that protects the egg inside.
A strong man is not necessarily muscular or powerful. Physical strength is what most of us think of when we define strong. A true strong man is one unyielding in his values and beliefs. He is humble before God and leads with the heart and attitude of a servant. A strong man puts others before himself. He uses his strength to help other people. He is mentally and emotionally strong and dependable.
The stalwart and unbendable man tends to be one and the same. They are firm and unyielding. Those are good traits when it comes to beliefs and values such as truth, honesty and integrity. There are times, however, when even the most stalwart man must learn to be flexible, understanding and willing to yield. No man is perfect and the man who will not own up to his faults and mistakes is not worth a lick.
A real man will learn to listen to all sides of an issue and try to put himself in the shoes of the other person. He will be kind and understanding. He will not be so inflexible that others cannot work with him. In his my-way-or-the-highway world, you’re better off hitting the road.
In the same light, a real father is one who will give up a round of golf to play catch. A real father allows mistakes but disciplines disobedience. He shares his time, his cookies and his glass of iced tea on a hot, summer day. He reads more than he watches; encourages more than he discourages; slays dragons, vanquishes monsters from closets and squishes spiders; compliments more than critiques; gives without taking; loves mother and child unconditionally; and prays for and with his family every day.
I’ll be the first to admit that I fail at this as much or more than I succeed. But each day I strive to meet this standard and to be a better man than I was when I went to bed the night before. I battle my demons and strive to win the day for my God and my family. They are the only ones who will determine whether or not I succeed. That is a measure I cannot gauge for myself. After all, my life is not about me. It’s about my service to God, my family and those whose lives I touch, no matter how briefly.
Those things may not make me a great man in the eyes of the world, but I hope it will mean the world to those eyes that are on me. A real man couldn’t ask for anything more.