I hearby resolve to make skid marks in my undies

I, Joe Southern, being of absent mind and round body, do hereby resolve the following for the coming year:
To not eat live toads first thing in the morning. They make a better afternoon snack.
To stop breaking wind in the fragrance aisles at major department stores.
To experience more unbridled passion, romance, energy and excitement during intimate encounters with my wife.
To experience less unbridled passion, romance, energy and excitement during intimate encounters with football on TV.
To get my Christmas cards written before Christmas.
To clean the skid marks off my undies.
To live a life so adventurous and exciting that I can’t help but leave skid marks in my undies.
To write the Great American Novel – or at least the mediocre-small-state-in-the-upper-Midwest pamphlet.
To stop repeating myself.
To experience more unbridled passion, romance, energy and excitement during intimate encounters with my wife. (What? I like that one a lot!)
To stop picking on people of lesser intelligence.
To see if I can actually find someone of lesser intelligence.
To eat mor chikin.
To think outside the bun.
To start to think after I stop to think and forget to start again (I think).
To find a healthy way to live off of cheeseburgers, pizza and my wife’s meatloaf.
To stop procrastinating by the end of the year.
To stop losing arguments with myself.
To drink less coffee.
Who am I kidding? Of course I’m not going to drink less coffee. What moron came up with that one?
To stop referring to myself as a moron.
Idiot!
To finally get “Dancing Queen” out of my head.
And finally, to stop starting sentences with conjunctions.
But first, to stop making resolutions I won’t keep.
On that note, I would like to get serious for a moment. Every New Year’s Eve we traditionally look at the coming year as a blank slate; a new beginning. In many ways it is. That is true of every single day. The future is what we make of it, God willing.
The trouble is that we keep hauling the garbage of the past right along with us. We’re comfortable with the skeletons in our closets as long as we can keep hearing their bones rattle and know they’re safely tucked away.
I learned last year that evicting the skeletons from my closet is an amazing thing. While I’m not yet ready to make my skeletons common knowledge, I can say that their removal has made my life much better. With the big things out of the way, it makes it much easier to deal with the little stuff, like losing weight, getting organized and reading so many books.
My challenge to you is to look deep down and resolve to make changes in yourself that will really impact your life and the life of those closest to you. Deal with the things that rattle in your secret place. Trust me; you’re not the only one who can hear them. You’re just the only one who can ignore them. And you’re the only one who can deal with them.
For some that may be alcohol, smoking, drugs or other such things. For others it might be pornography, an affair, gambling, over-eating or some other compulsive behavior.
Ask yourself how your skeleton is making your life better? Ask yourself if you would want a giant spotlight to shine in your closet for all the world to see. Ask yourself how your skeletons are benefiting your spouse and children. Ask yourself how you would feel if a family member or someone else very close to you were harboring the same set of bones in their secret place.
Dealing with the proverbial elephant in the room will clear the way for you to make a real difference in your life and the lives of others. Once you have exposed those skeletons and dealt with the underlying problem, you will be free to deal with all of your other nagging hang-ups.
If you want more help or information on how to do this, I suggest you find a local Celebrate Recovery group to visit or look it up online. It’s making a huge difference in my life and I know it can help you with yours.
Blessings to all for a happy and prosperous 2011!