Choose battles with civility and grace

It is in our human nature to want to be right. It is only natural to seek justice or revenge when you have been wronged. Nobody likes to lose. Nobody likes to turn the other cheek.

Sometimes, though, it is better to be wronged and to forgive than to be right and not be forgiven. You have to choose your battles. What will you fight for and what is not worth fighting for?

It is one thing to stand up for what is right. It’s another thing to stand up to be right. Too often those get mixed up, especially in politics.

I see a lot of pointless and unproductive bickering in the world, especially in the world of politics. From the grassroots to the global stage so much potential is lost because people feel the need to impose their will or opinions on others without first listening to hear what the others have to say.

Simple acts of civility and grace will accomplish much more than a harsh word will any day.

As Paul says in 1 Corinthians 6:7: “The very fact that you have lawsuits among you means you have been completely defeated already. Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be cheated?”

Many people are familiar with the opening line of Reinhold Niebuhr’s Serenity Prayer:

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”

It takes great insight to know what things we can and should change. Sometimes we have to accept that something should not be changed because it would cause more harm than good.

Author Stephen Covey in his book “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” says the fifth habit is to first seek to understand, then to be understood. This principle puts other people first, which is what true public servants should do. Good leaders lead. Great leaders listen.

When someone has a problem, half of the solution is just to listen and understand. When people feel understood, they feel appreciated and valued. Even if you are unable or unwilling to solve their problem, just knowing that you understand them and their issue diffuses anger and frustration.

Great things can be accomplished when we all work together. From city hall to the county courthouse to the White House and the halls of Congress, focusing on the common good is far better than nitpicking failures.

If a reputation for petty squabbles and distrust prevails, the world will overrun us because we’re not paying attention. It’s like having two outfielders in baseball arguing about who should have caught the ball while the opponent circles the bases and heads for home.

To play off the adage of teaching a man to fish, I think we get so caught up arguing about bait that we forget to show the man how to use the pole.

We can do things better if we don’t have to be perfect. We can’t always have our own way but we do have to make a way for everyone.