I've finally caved in to the Dark Side

The power of the Dark Side is strong and it’s lure too great. I have gone over to the other side and I think I like it.
Last week I upgraded my old flip phone for (gasp) an iPhone. I have entered the world of touch pads, mobile Internet, and all the bells and apps that go with it. To my surprise, this handy little gadget even has a cellular telephone built into it!
I’ve seen many other people using iPhones. I’ve often privately mocked them, seeing what slaves they’ve become to technology and the loss of personal contact that goes with it. You’ve undoubtedly seen these iPhonies walking around with a glazed look in their eyes and the shiny, slender device in the palm of their hand, leading them though as if they were zombies.
Without their iPhones, these people look … lost, like they’re out of place ... almost lifelike. While they seem helpless without the gadget in hand, at the same time they seem very powerful when wielding their iPhone. Their ability to connect to the world from most any place at any time is astounding. I used to marvel at how fast I could take a picture with my digital camera, upload it to my computer and then e-mail it to friends or upload it to Facebook. That now seems sluggish compared to the ease and speed of the iPhone.
Last Saturday night I sat down with the phone and discovered the app store. It took me a couple hours, but I successfully downloaded the free Facebook app. My 15-year-old son was sitting next to me about to explode with frustration while watching my struggles. He could have done it within seconds, but I was determined to find my own way. After all, a real man doesn’t ask for directions; he blazes his own path.
As Wesley watched me scroll through the endless list of apps, he kept pointing out games he likes and things he thinks I should have on my phone. I really don’t want to get caught in that trap, though I admit the temptation is great. When I finally figure out how to use this tool to connect to the newspaper’s website, I should be able to post things much faster from the field and with a little more consistency. I’m looking forward to that.
On Sunday we attended our new small group at church. We met some people who are new to us and wouldn’t you know it, one of the guys works at the Apple store! God must have gotten frustrated with my slowness and sent him to me.
This is a bold step into a new world for me. I don’t like phones in general and I specifically don’t care for cell phones. But this thing is a game-changer. It’s also dangerous. It can be very easy to get caught up using the blasted thing and to lose all track of time and human connection. I fear now that I have joined the Dark Side that I will become an iPhone zombie.
Anyone who knows me well will understand my distaste for constant electronic connection. To say that Joe Southern has an iPhone is akin to saying Donald Trump doesn’t carry a wallet. Those things just don’t happen. But it has happened and I am simultaneously proud and ashamed.
I have a very good reason for not liking phones. Almost 30 years ago I lost about a fourth of my hearing due to firing shotguns without ear protection and listening to loud music. I have tinnitus, which is a permanent, continuous ringing of the ears. I have a hard time understanding people in good circumstances, but if there is any background noise or distortion, such as that of a phone, I have a really hard time understanding what I hear.
It’s kind of like having the old man syndrome where you may say one thing, but I hear another. My wife thinks it’s selective hearing. To a degree it is. Usually whenever somebody says something of interest or humor, they speak a little louder and clearer. Oftentimes I catch part of what was said and end up asking the person to repeat themselves. Other times I can be sitting at a table with a group of people and if the conversation isn’t directed at me, I tend to tune it out like the rest of the “white noise” in the background. This is especially true if I’m reading or otherwise distracted. If I focus too hard to listen to a conversation that doesn’t involve me I can’t concentrate on what’s before me. That gets me into a lot of trouble, especially at home.
I also have a love-hate relationship with Hollywood. There are a lot of movies and things I like, but there are many more movies, TV shows and such that I despise. I also don’t like the thought of Hollywood having 24/7 influence over what I see and hear. There is something Big Brotherishly wrong with that.
That is the influence that attracts most people to the Dark Side. That is the part of the Dark Side that I fear. I pray that it will not catch me in its web.