The things that real men do

“We are calling on men, all men — the successful and the unsuccessful, the affluent and the poor, the married and the unmarried — to come and claim their children. You can run the biggest drug cartel in America or win the Super Bowl, but if you haven’t claimed your children, you are not a man. No matter how useless or hopeless a father may think he is, his role is simply to be there. If he makes that commitment, he is a much better man than he thought he was.” – Bill Cosby

Father’s Day is Sunday. It’s one of my favorite holidays. I like it not because I’m a father and it makes me feel good about being a dad. I don’t need a holiday for that. I like it because it puts fatherhood in a positive light. Fatherhood has taken a beating over the years with the rising number of absentee dads and abusers.
Most of us, however, march on in total fulfillment in our role as a father. As a man, I see my role as a husband and father to be the most important thing in life behind faith in Jesus Christ.
I once had a bumper sticker that read, “Real men keep their promises.” The words overlaid the words “I do.”
That has me thinking about what it takes to be a real man. This is what I came up with:
Real men:
Wipe noses;
Change dirty diapers without having to be asked or nagged;
Remember first-date anniversaries;
Kiss boo-boos and put Band-Aids on tummyaches;
Drink tea with Teddy bears and Barbie dolls;
Give horsey rides;
Eat baking experiments;
Volunteer in classrooms;
Sit on porch swings on summer nights, pointing out stars;
Swim in the shallow end;
Chase monsters from under beds;
Playfully chase their wives around the bedroom;
Buy flowers for no particular reason;
Make midnight runs to the supermarket for feminine hygiene products;
Go to music/dance recitals;
Coach little league;
Make funny faces and strange bodily sounds;
Turn off football to go play catch;
Eat broccoli;
Brush hair;
Serve breakfast in bed;
Scratch backs;
Give shoulder rubs;
Don’t complain about how hard the day was;
Go to the mall and enjoy it;
Give hugs and kisses;
Pray for their family;
Pray with their family;
Paint toenails;
Have pillow fights;
Give perfect gifts;
Receive all gifts perfectly;
Take long walks holding hands;
Don’t put work before family;
Sing silly songs;
Wear macaroni necklaces;
Never win at Candyland;
Read Dr. Seuss without getting tongue-tied;
Share the remote;
Sing the Barney theme song — joyfully;
Are quick to praise;
Are slow to anger;
Have family pictures in their wallet where the money used to be;
Wash floors;
Do windows;
Plaster the refrigerator with crayon masterpieces;
Fold clothes;
Wash dishes;
Tie shoes;
Race their kids to the door;
Open doors;
Leave the toilet seat down;
Ask for directions;
Read bedtime stories;
Ask about her day;
Try to write poetry;
Wear Father’s Day ties;
Think “Baby Blues” is the best comic strip ever;
Pack the kids’ lunches;
Give foot massages;
Contribute to worthy causes;
Say “I’m sorry”;
Say “I love you”;
And live without regret.
(NOTE: Portions of this column first appeared March 7, 2000, in the Longmont (Colo.) Daily Times-Call and were often repeated by Promise Keepers co-founder Bill McCartney on his nationally syndicated “4th and Goal” radio program.)