Greetings from Wal-Mart, Neb.

This column ran in May, 2004:
In the movie Where the Heart is, Natalie Portman's pregnant character is abandoned by her boyfriend at a Wal-Mart, where she lives in secret until her baby is born.
I don't see how she did it. On Tuesday my family spent a combined six hours at two different Wal-Mart Supercenters in Nebraska and we were about to lose our minds. We hadn't planned to spend the day at Wal-Mart. It was our van's idea. It broke down on Interstate 80 just east of Lincoln. We were returning home from vacation and had just left Omaha when our rickety, fire engine red, 1992 Plymouth Voyager decided it's voyage was over.
Its fuel pump went kaplooie - as fuel pumps do - and the van sputtered to a halt at the start of a cone zone. That was not so unusual as there are always plenty of cone zones on I-80 between Omaha and Lincoln.
What was quite fortunate was we came to a halt right behind a roadside assistance volunteer. He was able to call a tow truck and help us get the van to a nearby mechanic.
Randy Bloom, owner of Superior Automotive and Towing, said he was busy but that he would try to squeeze us in. He might get to us that afternoon or perhaps early the next day. Maybe it was the crestfallen looks on our faces or perhaps the crying of two fussy toddlers or an act of sympathy from a fellow Christian, but he took the van right in and made an immediate diagnosis.
He offered to take us to Wal-Mart to wait out the repairs. At least there we could do something to pass the time and we could eat at the McDonalds inside.
We took him up on his offer because the alternative was for the five of us to sit cramped in his tiny office and eat peanut butter and honey sandwiches. That was too much like sitting in the van, only the scenery wouldn't change.
When Randy left us off at Wal-Mart, we did not know when we would hear from him again. We had our company cell phone with us, but we were in roaming and the battery was getting low, so we tried not to use it. When we walked inside the mammoth store we found it was much like the Wal-Mart here in Longmont, only bigger and with a section for groceries.
Luke, who is almost 3, was thrilled to be free from the confinement of the car seat. Upon seeing spacious, wide-open isles and thousands of things within his grasp, was gone. He took off running with his exasperated 9-year-old brother, Wesley, chasing after him. Sandy and I struggled to get Colton, 1, and our few necessities into a cart.
Once Luke was corralled, we set out to explore the cavernous shopping Mecca. Our first stop was the toy area, which was a shrine to Spider-Man and Shrek. As we walked through the isles, we took our time to play. Every package that invited us to push a button, pull a lever or squeeze a tummy got tested. Believe it or not, there is a Shrek toy that beckons you to pull its finger!
After a while we headed to the restrooms to make sure everyone got ready for lunch. We then trekked into McDonalds where we got the usual. We were on a shoestring budget and, after shelling out cash for the tow, splurging at McDonalds meant risking not having enough money for gas to get home.
As we ate our burgers, McNuggets and fries, Luke grew tired to sitting, so he bolted. We all took turns retrieving him. Finally we gave up and went back out into the store.
Luke and Colton were both overdue for naps and were in full-blown meltdowns. We found a display of rocking chairs, sat down and each snuggled the little ones to sleep while Wesley watched movies in the electronics department on widescreen HDTVs.
As we rocked the boys to sleep, we had numerous people, especially Wal-Mart associates, come by and make cute remarks. We were able to put Luke to bed in a cart. Colton is a much lighter sleeper and woke up as soon as Sandy stood up with him. We carried him and pushed Luke in the cart to get Wesley. We went back to McDonalds and settled down to help Wesley with his homework.
After five hours at Wal-Mart, the cell phone rang. The van was ready and we were soon headed down the road. I don't think we were even out of Lincoln when the front of the van began to vibrate. The front left tire lost a weight and was out of balance.
We pushed on to Kearney where we found, gasp, another Wal-Mart Supercenter. They could balance the wheel, but it would take about an hour to get to us.
Yippie! Once it was fixed, we hit the road. We arrived in Longmont at midnight. Here it is, barely 12 hours later as I write this, and I have to look back on this misadventure and wonder: Would Natalie Portman have done it that way? I guess I'll have to rent the movie again and find out.