Memories of Mom on Mother's Day

 

Mother’s Day is not just another Hallmark holiday.

Yeah, the traditional cards, flowers and dinner out are perennial requirements, but they’re not the most important thing to a mom – or so I’m told. It’s hard for me as a man to speak for mothers, but at my age I have learned a few things about the importance of moms.

More than anything, moms need love and validation. They do so much for us, seen and unseen, that we owe our moms a debt we can never repay.

The momma bears, helicopter moms, the barely-hanging-on moms – all of them play a vital role in our lives. From the moment she becomes pregnant, a woman never stops being a mom. Some dads may quit, but a mother never does. Her work and her worries never end.

As a child, I never knew or understood how much grief I must have put my mother through. And if she knew half the stuff I did behind her back it would have killed her. But she would love me just the same.

I lost my mom 12 years ago. It was the most painful loss of my life. As I’ve gone through my own parenting journey and reflected on my childhood, I’ve come to realize that she had a strength beyond my imagination. I know she must have known about the contraband I hid in my room, the desserts I snuck, the chores I shirked, the lies I told and all the other things that little boys think they’re getting away with. I know she must have heard and felt my silent sobs when I privately cried about heartaches. Yet she never said a thing.

I can’t count the number of times she stood up to my father on my behalf, especially the times when I didn’t deserve it. I can’t thank her enough for the gas money she would slip me on the side or the nights she would stay up until I stumbled in at ridiculously late hours. I know I caused her to spend an inordinate amount of time in prayer.

I would not say my mother was a doormat or an enabler. She was far from that. She was a woman of deep faith, grace and love. That, in a nutshell, is how I picture motherhood. She let me spread my wings, even knowing when I was doomed to fail. She would pick me up, dust me off, and send me out to try again.

I have been incredibly fortunate to have three other women in my life that I’ve called mom. Both of my mothers-in-law and my stepmother have been incredibly kind and loving people that I am truly honored and blessed to have had in my life. My ex-wife’s mother has passed away, but Sandy’s mother and my dad’s wife are very much a part of my life and I love them dearly.

And speaking of Sandy, I can’t let Mother’s Day go by without singing her praises. Since we were both previously married, she has been a mother as long as I’ve known her. Like any mom, she isn’t perfect, but she has been everything a mother can be and more to our four children. We didn’t have much while they were growing up, but that didn’t stop her from giving them everything she had.

Although my daughter mostly lived with her mom, we still had three boys in the house. Being active in church and Boy Scouts meant spending a lot of time on the go. Yet she managed to work, put herself through college and graduate school, and somehow take care of everything on the homefront. She was a den leader in Cub Scouts, a scoutmaster in Boy Scouts, and even volunteered at the district level for a while. At church she sang on the praise team and participated in plays and musicals.

I’m just scratching the surface of all the many things she did and continues to do. Even though our children are grown and out on their own, she’s the one they call when they need something or just want to talk. Being a mom doesn’t end when the children are grown. The circumstances change but the love and the worry and the stress remain the same.

I can’t wish my mom a happy Mother’s Day anymore, but I can certainly wish that to all the women who have loved and nurtured children of their own. Your passion, your love, your hurts, your pains, your enduring commitment are heartfelt, respected and needed.

So no, this Sunday is not just another Hallmark holiday. Be sure to tell your mom – and all the moms in your life – how much you love them and need them. Never miss a moment to let them know just how important they are.